Not to Marry Just to Share: Living Together Culture is Thriving in Nepal
Bigyan Sharma
July 01, 2009
Until a few months ago, Ramesh Pant, who works for a reputed daily newspaper publishing from Nepalese capital city Kathmandu, was living a dull and boring life in his rented apartment in Gaushala. But things started changing when he started to share his apartment with Shristi Lamsal, who works for a non-government organisation based in Pulchowk, Lalitpur. Ramesh and Shristi do everything that only a legally wed husband and wife are supposed to do.
Ramesh and Shristi are not the only couple to do so -- living together without marrying. There are many couples in Kathmandu who are living together without marrying. Though some sections of our society still raise brows when unmarried men and women live together, things are changing, that too, on a fast pace. It won't take many years when our society will start accepting living together as a part of life.
Though the practice of cohabitation, in which people live together in an emotionally and sexually intimate relationship without getting married, is not so high in Nepal, the tradition has been accepted throughout the world. In many Western countries, living together instead of marrying has become the norm for young couples. Half of young adults, between the ages of 20-40, are cohabiting in the US. Cohabitation has increased by almost 1,000 percent since 1980 in the US. The scene in other Western countries is also similar. Take an example of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, who, despite being unmarried, are proud parents of nearly half a dozen kids.
Not only in Western countries, India, especially in metro areas, is also opening up and is gradually adapting to the practice of cohabiting. The Indian government has also secured economic rights for female live-in partners under the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act 2005.
Though cohabiting is not endorsed by our culture, society and laws, there are many such couples who are ready to face consequences. It seems that Nepali youths are also learning such things from Western countries. Until a decade ago or so, boys or girls use to meet their partners only after their marriage. Parents used to search partners for their sons and daughters. Such practice still exists in different parts of the country. But in urban areas, things are changing. Youths have started preferring love marriage to arranged marriage. They know everything about their would-be partners and only marry if they feel comfortable. Cohabiting is a step ahead than love marriage. Partners experience everything, including sexual intercourse, before marrying. If they feel comfortable with each other, they marry or else part ways.
"Though I live with a partner, my parents I have no idea about it. They live in village. But it becomes difficult when they come here to meet me. They inform me beforehand and I have to ask Shristi to stay at her friend's house," Ramesh shared. But Ramesh knows that one day he will have to inform this to his parents. "Shristi and I will marry when we completely understand each other. Then there should be no problem in informing our parents," Ramesh shares.
Though it is difficult to pinpoint when Nepali couples started cohabiting, it is widely assumed that the practice started in Nepal after the advent of satellite television, which offered youths an insight into Western culture and tradition. The practice further increased after hundreds of students started visiting Western countries for higher education. They experienced the living together culture of the Westerners, liked that and also searched for similar opportunities when they came back home. When they were abroad, they started the practice of living together to enjoy the new found freedom far away from the watchful eyes of their parents.
Rakesh is pursuing his graduation in logistics management in Australia. But Rakesh parents' in Nepal do not know that Rakesh is cohabiting with an Indian girl for the last six months. "When I came here, I had difficulty in searching a job for me. Then I was living at my friend's place. I got a job and searched for a separate apartment for me. But it was very expensive. Then I met Maya, who was also searching an apartment for her. Maya and I decided to share apartment because we both had to compromise," Rakesh said. Rakesh and Maya are inseparable now. They not only share their expenses but also share their happiness and griefs but do everything that a legally wed couple does. "By cohabiting with Maya, I don't feel that I am far away from my parents. Maya also feels the same. Cohabiting has changed our lives," Rakesh informed. Youths like Rakesh will miss cohabiting when they come back to Nepal. It is only natural that they will prefer to live in the same way in Nepal too.
Going by the increasing number of cohabiting couples in Kathmandu, it seems that the nation is fast adapting to the practice of cohabiting. Our society is slowly opening up and accepting such practice. It may not take long time when financially independent youths start living together, separate from their parents.
Ramesh and Shristi are not the only couple to do so -- living together without marrying. There are many couples in Kathmandu who are living together without marrying. Though some sections of our society still raise brows when unmarried men and women live together, things are changing, that too, on a fast pace. It won't take many years when our society will start accepting living together as a part of life.
Though the practice of cohabitation, in which people live together in an emotionally and sexually intimate relationship without getting married, is not so high in Nepal, the tradition has been accepted throughout the world. In many Western countries, living together instead of marrying has become the norm for young couples. Half of young adults, between the ages of 20-40, are cohabiting in the US. Cohabitation has increased by almost 1,000 percent since 1980 in the US. The scene in other Western countries is also similar. Take an example of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, who, despite being unmarried, are proud parents of nearly half a dozen kids.
Not only in Western countries, India, especially in metro areas, is also opening up and is gradually adapting to the practice of cohabiting. The Indian government has also secured economic rights for female live-in partners under the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act 2005.
Though cohabiting is not endorsed by our culture, society and laws, there are many such couples who are ready to face consequences. It seems that Nepali youths are also learning such things from Western countries. Until a decade ago or so, boys or girls use to meet their partners only after their marriage. Parents used to search partners for their sons and daughters. Such practice still exists in different parts of the country. But in urban areas, things are changing. Youths have started preferring love marriage to arranged marriage. They know everything about their would-be partners and only marry if they feel comfortable. Cohabiting is a step ahead than love marriage. Partners experience everything, including sexual intercourse, before marrying. If they feel comfortable with each other, they marry or else part ways.
"Though I live with a partner, my parents I have no idea about it. They live in village. But it becomes difficult when they come here to meet me. They inform me beforehand and I have to ask Shristi to stay at her friend's house," Ramesh shared. But Ramesh knows that one day he will have to inform this to his parents. "Shristi and I will marry when we completely understand each other. Then there should be no problem in informing our parents," Ramesh shares.
Though it is difficult to pinpoint when Nepali couples started cohabiting, it is widely assumed that the practice started in Nepal after the advent of satellite television, which offered youths an insight into Western culture and tradition. The practice further increased after hundreds of students started visiting Western countries for higher education. They experienced the living together culture of the Westerners, liked that and also searched for similar opportunities when they came back home. When they were abroad, they started the practice of living together to enjoy the new found freedom far away from the watchful eyes of their parents.
Rakesh is pursuing his graduation in logistics management in Australia. But Rakesh parents' in Nepal do not know that Rakesh is cohabiting with an Indian girl for the last six months. "When I came here, I had difficulty in searching a job for me. Then I was living at my friend's place. I got a job and searched for a separate apartment for me. But it was very expensive. Then I met Maya, who was also searching an apartment for her. Maya and I decided to share apartment because we both had to compromise," Rakesh said. Rakesh and Maya are inseparable now. They not only share their expenses but also share their happiness and griefs but do everything that a legally wed couple does. "By cohabiting with Maya, I don't feel that I am far away from my parents. Maya also feels the same. Cohabiting has changed our lives," Rakesh informed. Youths like Rakesh will miss cohabiting when they come back to Nepal. It is only natural that they will prefer to live in the same way in Nepal too.
Going by the increasing number of cohabiting couples in Kathmandu, it seems that the nation is fast adapting to the practice of cohabiting. Our society is slowly opening up and accepting such practice. It may not take long time when financially independent youths start living together, separate from their parents.
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