Football for Dummies: A gay man´s journey to the heart of the gridiron
August 02, 2009
By Gary Jordan
Football season will be kicking off soon and I must confess: I know absolutely nothing about football. It´s a game whose premise, much like algebra, eludes me to this day. Oh sure, my father sat me down as a young boy and tried to explain the rudimentary theory behind the game, but it held absolutely no interest for me.
So why am I writing an article about football when I don´t know the difference between a quarterback and a touchback? (Well, I suppose I could let my imagination run away with me on that one.) In this particular instance it´s more a matter of location, location, location. I am currently in Ohio, a pigskin´s throw away from the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio. And, as fate would have it, my father has always wanted to visit the hallowed halls of the PFHF. Then I began wondering if I might be able to write intelligently about the sport in honor of the upcoming Super Bowl—America´s greatest pop cultural phenomena.
I thought about it for a day and a half and decided to tackle my two fears: football and spending quality time with my dad. I asked him if he´d be interested in accompanying me up to the Hall of Fame to see what the big deal is about this sport.
On the drive up to Canton, Dad and I chatted about everything: the weather, my sister and how he and mom wish she´d move back home from Cleveland, whether she´ll ever find a good man to marry—if I´ll ever find a good man to marry, how I´m enjoying being back in Ohio … the usual stuff. It´s funny how we talk more now that I´m an adult than we ever did when I was a kid.
Aside from being gay in a small Ohio town, my adolescence was pretty normal. Like most teenagers, I didn´t like my father much. And the more he tried to get me interested in sports the less I liked him. Of course, now as an adult I see what a terrific guy he really is and how hard he worked to provide my sister and me with all the material things he thought we needed. Granted, he wasn´t around much when we were growing up and he´d probably be hard-pressed to tell you when my sister and I celebrate our birthdays, or when their anniversary takes place, but damn if he didn´t know who won the Super Bowl in 1978, what the score was and who coached the team that year.
PFHF
As we pulled onto George Halas Drive (named for legendary Chicago Bears owner nick-named Papa Bear Halas) and into the parking lot, the first thing I noticed was the number of out-of-state license plates. We saw cars from at least 10 different states and from as far away as Texas and Florida.
We began our tour by walking up a winding ramp in what appears to be the view if you were standing inside a football. It never occurred to me that´s what it was until after we had left and were walking back to the car, but I´m sure that was the intent of the architect.
According to the brochure, football began in 1892 in New England and gradually migrated west to Pennsylvania where it became popular with miners and industrial workers to relieve the daily drudgery of working in the mines and factories all day. Eventually, in the early 1900s, it began to take hold and moved further westward to Canton, Ohio where the first game was played on the home field of the Canton Bulldogs. The legendary Jim Thorpe began to play for the bulldogs in 1905 and has arguably become the most famous man in football. He went on to become the first president of the NFL in 1920.
At its most basic level, the objective of football is to score points by advancing the ball into the opposing team´s end zone. The ball can be advanced by carrying it (a running play) or by throwing it to a teammate (a passing play). Points can be scored in a variety of ways, including carrying the ball over the opponent´s goal line; catching a pass from beyond that goal line; kicking the ball through the goal posts at the opponent´s end zone; and tackling an opposing ball carrier within his end zone. The winner is the team with the most points when the time expires.
After I digested this information, we made our way up to a rotunda housing brass-plated busts bearing the likeness of every football player that has been inducted into the HOF since its inception in 1963. Needless to say I quickly scanned the room looking for the OJ Simpson bust. It´s still there. As much as I despise OJ, it doesn´t negate the fact he was an outstanding football player and deserves his place in the history books.
We continued on with a brief history of Brian Piccolo. You may remember James Caan playing the Chicago Bears running back whose life was cut short by leukemia and the story about a rivalry with fellow player and roommate Gale Sayers that turned into friendship in the 1971 movie Brian´s Song. I vividly remember watching that movie with my dad and remembering how much these guys loved one another. It was the first time I ever saw a man cry on television and I think, I´m not sure, but I think I may have seen a tear roll down my father´s cheek as well.
Up next was a display case representing each team in the NFL. It contained the team´s jersey, helmet, running shoe and brief history of the team, along with highlights and stats. I asked my dad just what it is about a team that makes people such fanatics. He said for most it really just comes down to hometown pride. Of course, there are those who like a team because of a certain player or in some cases the team colors and design (I think those must be the gay fans).
Dad proceeded to tell me how team fanaticism can just as easily take a nasty turn, especially if a team has had a bad season or two. Why just a couple of weeks ago, a man gave Dad two tickets to a Browns game. He threw them up onto the dashboard of his SUV, not really paying much attention as he had to make a mad dash into a convenience store to purchase lottery tickets. When he returned someone had busted his windshield and left him two additional tickets. Ha ha.
We continued on our tour to what I refer to as the "Bling Room." As you first walk in, a round raised table in a semi-darkened room is positioned off to the side. There appears to be nothing on the table until you approach it. Then, as if by magic, a hologram appears out of nowhere of an actual Super Bowl ring. When you try to touch the ring it disappears, remove your hand and it reappears. It truly was impressive. When I tried sticking my finger into the ring, I could tell that if it had been an actual ring it would have slipped of my tiny girlie finger immediately.
In addition to the hologram, a display case houses an actual ring from every Super Bowl year, as well as a description and who the designer was. Anybody who tells you men don´t love diamonds needs to visit the Football Hall of Fame.
After passing a couple of additional hall features that didn´t seem all that impressive to me (I get bored with statistics) we came upon what I thought to be the best part of the hall experience. It was a screening room, which looked just like any movie theater at your local Cineplex, with a marquee that read, "Locker Room Experience." Imagine what I was thinking when I saw that!
We entered and took our seats as quickly as we could. I couldn´t wait to see the show and my imagination was running wild. The movie was entitled Game Day and opened with a short film that followed players from the Pittsburgh Stealers at their training camp in Western Pennsylvania. Then right in the middle of the movie our seats began to move 180 degrees and we were suddenly transported to what felt like an actual stadium containing thousands and thousands of screaming fans. It was a complete IMAX experience and you truly felt as though you were right there down on the field, huddling with the players and coaches. At the movie´s conclusion I was left feeling a little disappointed, as it certainly wasn´t what the title suggested, but I enjoyed the experience and now have a true idea of what an actual game must feel like.
After we left the movie, we proceeded downstairs to the café for something to drink and stumbled upon XBOX 360 Live. There was a large screen television, complete with leather sectional sofa, just like the ones you see on any television commercial. Neither one of us were familiar with how to play XBOX but we plopped ourselves right down and figured it out as we went along. We had a blast and played for about 30 minutes until some damn kid came along and asked if he could take a turn.
In the car ride home my dad patiently explained to me for the umpteenth time how the game of football works, and this time I think I finally got it. That doesn´t mean I plan on watching it though. Oh hell, maybe I´ll sit down with him next Sunday and watch part of the game.
If You Go — The Football Hall of Fame is located at 2121 George Halas Drive N.W., Canton, Ohio 44708.
Visit them on the web at profootballhof.com
Football season will be kicking off soon and I must confess: I know absolutely nothing about football. It´s a game whose premise, much like algebra, eludes me to this day. Oh sure, my father sat me down as a young boy and tried to explain the rudimentary theory behind the game, but it held absolutely no interest for me.
So why am I writing an article about football when I don´t know the difference between a quarterback and a touchback? (Well, I suppose I could let my imagination run away with me on that one.) In this particular instance it´s more a matter of location, location, location. I am currently in Ohio, a pigskin´s throw away from the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio. And, as fate would have it, my father has always wanted to visit the hallowed halls of the PFHF. Then I began wondering if I might be able to write intelligently about the sport in honor of the upcoming Super Bowl—America´s greatest pop cultural phenomena.
I thought about it for a day and a half and decided to tackle my two fears: football and spending quality time with my dad. I asked him if he´d be interested in accompanying me up to the Hall of Fame to see what the big deal is about this sport.
On the drive up to Canton, Dad and I chatted about everything: the weather, my sister and how he and mom wish she´d move back home from Cleveland, whether she´ll ever find a good man to marry—if I´ll ever find a good man to marry, how I´m enjoying being back in Ohio … the usual stuff. It´s funny how we talk more now that I´m an adult than we ever did when I was a kid.
Aside from being gay in a small Ohio town, my adolescence was pretty normal. Like most teenagers, I didn´t like my father much. And the more he tried to get me interested in sports the less I liked him. Of course, now as an adult I see what a terrific guy he really is and how hard he worked to provide my sister and me with all the material things he thought we needed. Granted, he wasn´t around much when we were growing up and he´d probably be hard-pressed to tell you when my sister and I celebrate our birthdays, or when their anniversary takes place, but damn if he didn´t know who won the Super Bowl in 1978, what the score was and who coached the team that year.
PFHF
As we pulled onto George Halas Drive (named for legendary Chicago Bears owner nick-named Papa Bear Halas) and into the parking lot, the first thing I noticed was the number of out-of-state license plates. We saw cars from at least 10 different states and from as far away as Texas and Florida.
We began our tour by walking up a winding ramp in what appears to be the view if you were standing inside a football. It never occurred to me that´s what it was until after we had left and were walking back to the car, but I´m sure that was the intent of the architect.
According to the brochure, football began in 1892 in New England and gradually migrated west to Pennsylvania where it became popular with miners and industrial workers to relieve the daily drudgery of working in the mines and factories all day. Eventually, in the early 1900s, it began to take hold and moved further westward to Canton, Ohio where the first game was played on the home field of the Canton Bulldogs. The legendary Jim Thorpe began to play for the bulldogs in 1905 and has arguably become the most famous man in football. He went on to become the first president of the NFL in 1920.
At its most basic level, the objective of football is to score points by advancing the ball into the opposing team´s end zone. The ball can be advanced by carrying it (a running play) or by throwing it to a teammate (a passing play). Points can be scored in a variety of ways, including carrying the ball over the opponent´s goal line; catching a pass from beyond that goal line; kicking the ball through the goal posts at the opponent´s end zone; and tackling an opposing ball carrier within his end zone. The winner is the team with the most points when the time expires.
After I digested this information, we made our way up to a rotunda housing brass-plated busts bearing the likeness of every football player that has been inducted into the HOF since its inception in 1963. Needless to say I quickly scanned the room looking for the OJ Simpson bust. It´s still there. As much as I despise OJ, it doesn´t negate the fact he was an outstanding football player and deserves his place in the history books.
We continued on with a brief history of Brian Piccolo. You may remember James Caan playing the Chicago Bears running back whose life was cut short by leukemia and the story about a rivalry with fellow player and roommate Gale Sayers that turned into friendship in the 1971 movie Brian´s Song. I vividly remember watching that movie with my dad and remembering how much these guys loved one another. It was the first time I ever saw a man cry on television and I think, I´m not sure, but I think I may have seen a tear roll down my father´s cheek as well.
Up next was a display case representing each team in the NFL. It contained the team´s jersey, helmet, running shoe and brief history of the team, along with highlights and stats. I asked my dad just what it is about a team that makes people such fanatics. He said for most it really just comes down to hometown pride. Of course, there are those who like a team because of a certain player or in some cases the team colors and design (I think those must be the gay fans).
Dad proceeded to tell me how team fanaticism can just as easily take a nasty turn, especially if a team has had a bad season or two. Why just a couple of weeks ago, a man gave Dad two tickets to a Browns game. He threw them up onto the dashboard of his SUV, not really paying much attention as he had to make a mad dash into a convenience store to purchase lottery tickets. When he returned someone had busted his windshield and left him two additional tickets. Ha ha.
We continued on our tour to what I refer to as the "Bling Room." As you first walk in, a round raised table in a semi-darkened room is positioned off to the side. There appears to be nothing on the table until you approach it. Then, as if by magic, a hologram appears out of nowhere of an actual Super Bowl ring. When you try to touch the ring it disappears, remove your hand and it reappears. It truly was impressive. When I tried sticking my finger into the ring, I could tell that if it had been an actual ring it would have slipped of my tiny girlie finger immediately.
In addition to the hologram, a display case houses an actual ring from every Super Bowl year, as well as a description and who the designer was. Anybody who tells you men don´t love diamonds needs to visit the Football Hall of Fame.
After passing a couple of additional hall features that didn´t seem all that impressive to me (I get bored with statistics) we came upon what I thought to be the best part of the hall experience. It was a screening room, which looked just like any movie theater at your local Cineplex, with a marquee that read, "Locker Room Experience." Imagine what I was thinking when I saw that!
We entered and took our seats as quickly as we could. I couldn´t wait to see the show and my imagination was running wild. The movie was entitled Game Day and opened with a short film that followed players from the Pittsburgh Stealers at their training camp in Western Pennsylvania. Then right in the middle of the movie our seats began to move 180 degrees and we were suddenly transported to what felt like an actual stadium containing thousands and thousands of screaming fans. It was a complete IMAX experience and you truly felt as though you were right there down on the field, huddling with the players and coaches. At the movie´s conclusion I was left feeling a little disappointed, as it certainly wasn´t what the title suggested, but I enjoyed the experience and now have a true idea of what an actual game must feel like.
After we left the movie, we proceeded downstairs to the café for something to drink and stumbled upon XBOX 360 Live. There was a large screen television, complete with leather sectional sofa, just like the ones you see on any television commercial. Neither one of us were familiar with how to play XBOX but we plopped ourselves right down and figured it out as we went along. We had a blast and played for about 30 minutes until some damn kid came along and asked if he could take a turn.
In the car ride home my dad patiently explained to me for the umpteenth time how the game of football works, and this time I think I finally got it. That doesn´t mean I plan on watching it though. Oh hell, maybe I´ll sit down with him next Sunday and watch part of the game.
If You Go — The Football Hall of Fame is located at 2121 George Halas Drive N.W., Canton, Ohio 44708.
Visit them on the web at profootballhof.com
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