A New Year’s Challenge for Those Over 40--Look Backward and Forward at the Same Time by Roy Richards
Robert Smith and Associates
January 08, 2008
Are you over forty and less than fully satisfied with present circumstances? If so, I recommend launching 2008 with an exercise radically different from the usual ritual of making New Year’s Resolutions. Instead of focusing 100% upon the year ahead, I suggest you pause for a few moments to reflect upon those significant life-altering decisions you have made over the past twenty to thirty years.
You might begin with your first “permanent” job as a young adult. (This may have been after high school at age eighteen or following college or graduate school in your early-to-mid twenties.) Very early in your adult life experience, did you lock yourself into a career path which you continue to pursue today? In hindsight, was this a good choice?
Reflect upon other life-altering adult decisions: selecting a spouse or life companion, starting a family, changing jobs, returning to school, joining or leaving a church, relocating to your present residence or beginning or ending an intimate relationship. In each case, ask yourself, “Given what I know now, did I make the right choice back then? How differently would I approach this decision today?”
In evaluating your past, please keep in mind that there are few if any unequivocally “right” or “wrong” choices. Even should hindsight demonstrate that a long-ago decision was less than optimal, your choice may have been appropriate at the time, given your then-current experience, expectations, personal goals, temperament and stage of development.
For each “wrong” decision from your past, write down what you would consider a “correct” decision today. Spell out reasons why in hindsight you would make a different choice today. For each “right” decision, jot down specific benefits you have accrued over the intervening years. It also may help to reflect upon then-relevant factors which prompted your favorable decision.
Some may inquire, “What benefit will I gain from examining decisions from my past, good or bad, which I can’t alter today?” You have one specific purpose only: to enhance your ability to make similar decisions now and in the future. Today or tomorrow you may face a significant fork in the road concerning vocation, personal relationships, family finances or the health and well-being of self and loved ones. Before attacking tomorrow’s challenges, you will benefit from evaluating how well you handled similar challenges in the past. Ironically, one can draw comfort and inspiration from either of two seemingly contradictory conclusions:
Conclusion 1: “If I could live my life over, I would change few if any prior decisions. For this reason, I have utmost confidence in my ability to make similar intelligent decisions now and in the future.”
Conclusion 2: “In hindsight, several of my most important life-defining choices appear
less-than-optimal today. Looking back, I now understand the unique circumstances and my motivation at the time. I have learned from past mistakes and am a totally different, highly confident decision maker today. Looking forward, I consider myself fully capable of weighing options and making optimal choices.”
Reflecting upon life’s big picture, your challenge in labeling a prior decision as “right” or “wrong” may prove very tricky. If in the past you had selected every “right” decision, would you be precisely where you wish to be today? To site personal experience, in hindsight I made a number of clearly “wrong” decisions during my thirty-year business career, beginning with acceptance of my first job offer out of the Navy. Had I chosen a vocational path more closely aligned with my temperament, abilities and aspirations, I might at this moment be a senior executive in a Fortune 500 corporation. The irony is that I probably would not have written two books nor redirected my career into cherished activities I am ideally suited to perform.”
When examining the past, it makes absolutely no sense to regret wrong turns or to agonize over what might have been. Ironically, past mistakes may have set you up in an ideal position to prosper in the future. Bottom line, the only decisions which matter now are those you will make today and tomorrow.
Once you have dissected past decision-making, apply a similar objective approach to attacking today’s challenges. Past, present or future, the basic issue remains the same: “As a mature, self-confident adult, how do I optimize my response to this challenge?” When your next challenge arises, confidently step up to the plate and confront that challenge head-on! Consult with experts, weigh your options, make a decision and move on.
To wrap up simultaneous New Year reflections upon past, present and future, you may wish to perform a brief, final visualization. Lean back on your couch or recliner and imagine yourself twenty-five years in the future. You recently retired but remain active in your community, in excellent health, young in spirit and in love with life. Close your eyes take a deep breath and pretend to reminisce fondly over your most recent twenty-five years; the years in fact you will begin living today.
Let your imagination run free; paint vivid mind pictures of the multi-faceted accomplishments you anticipate for your future. Relish the psychic reward you will earn from first defining then achieving essential lifetime goals. Now pat yourself on the back and offer congratulations: "Well done, Grandma (or Grandpa.) For the past quarter century, you truly have lived life to its fullest. In your heart, you know that you wouldn't trade the past twenty-five years with anyone else in the entire world."
As you prepare to launch a new era of personal fulfillment precisely on your own terms, make yourself a final solemn vow. Pledge to yourself that on your final day on earth you will not bitterly shake your head, sigh deeply and utter the following three mournful phrases of regret:
What if?
If Only....
I could have been....
You will never know for certain just how much you can accomplish or how wonderful life can become unless you challenge yourself throughout 2008 and every year thereafter to strive for goals outside your prior comfort zone. Each one of us is granted only one lifetime; you must not squander yours. You will continue to sell yourself short only if you permit others to define your limitations or refuse to imagine life’s infinite possibilities.
This very day, let go of your inhibitions, visualize unrestrained joy and satisfaction on your own terms, unleash your imagination and begin your search for the vibrant life-affirming experience of your dreams. When all is said and done, you have absolutely nothing to lose but persistent self-doubt and negative thinking.
The author of this article, Roy Richards, is a public speaker, personal coach, consultant and author of books on personal and organization mid-life renewal. To obtain additional free articles, to contact Roy or to preview his new book, A Mid-Life Challenge Wake
Up!, please visit our web site: www.middleagerenewaltraining.com
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