Just Say No! By Catherine Jewell, The Career Passion Coach
Robert Smith and Associates
February 11, 2008
By Catherine Jewell
The Career Passion Coach™
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Recently, I was in a coaching session and got stopped dead in my tracks when MY coach said, "Why don´t you just say ´No´?" I stuttered a bit, offered a few explanations, and then realized that saying ´No´ is not easy for me. I am a pleaser, a helper, and a peace maker. If you often say ´Yes´ when ´No´ would serve you better, read on.
Why is it important to say ´No´ sometimes?
Requests can take us off task. Often, after we have set our priorities, we are asked to perform another task that might or might not be related to our priorities. Be sure that your assignments are appropriate for your job, your experience and your available time.
Someone else might be better for the job, and would benefit by doing it. If you are extremely valued at work, you may be asked to do too much because of your reputation. You might be hoarding all that work when the company or organization would truly benefit from someone else doing it. (Think about that the next time you leave work at 9:00 PM.)
You could easily be overwhelmed and fail. Time is the one commodity that we can´t expand or extend. You get the same 168 hours each week as anyone else. Doing too much often limits our effectiveness. Overworking takes the joy out of life. In extreme cases, it can destroy your personal relationships and your health. Spend some quiet time each week planning what your priorities are, so you have a good sense of how much is too much.
Saying ´Yes" often means leading. If you are the first to say ´Yes,´ you will often be put in charge of the project. If you haven´t led a project like this, you might want to ask for a smaller role. You can easily say ´Yes´ with conditions. This will allow you to gain some experience, without taking on the full burden.
How Can I Say ´No´ and Keep My Job?
Done right, you can say ´No´ and actually win friends. Sometimes you can negotiate something a little different than the original request. Here is the process:
Listen to the task description completely. Don´t interrupt to talk about your schedule. Look thoughtful. Invite the person to sit down. Say, "Sounds interesting, let´s talk some more."
Say something positive. Start by indicating that you are willing, even if you are not able at this time. Without saying ´Yes´ to the task, indicate your overall willingness. Say something like, "I´m so pleased that you thought of me. I would be happy to help on this, but I would like to know more."
Ask lots of questions. This step is critical, and most people forget it. Ask lots of questions so that you will uncover the real commitment of this request. Is this a one-hour task, a one-month assignment, or a one-year project? What is your role to be? Who else will be working on this? When is the deadline? What resources will you have? Etc, etc. This step also gives you some time to THINK. If you must say ´No,´ it gives you time to create your reason.
Tell your current circumstances. You might mention the relevant work that is consuming your time right now. Don´t give too many details; you will sound as if you are whining. If the request is in your personal life, you might say, "I´ve just moved and I´m spending all my free time unpacking right now." Don´t tell a long story. One good excuse is much better than three or four. You will sound more powerful with a simple statement.
Talk about alternatives. Make some suggestions that don´t include you. Perhaps you can recommend someone else to do the work. You might negotiate a smaller role than the one requested. Perhaps this task can be deferred until another time, or eliminated because of another solution.
Give a clear answer. Don´t ever say ´I´ll try." As Yoda said in Star Wars, "There is no try. Only do or not do." If you need time to think about it, say, "I´ll consider this and call you tomorrow." Then, honor your word. Chances are, you requestor can move to the next person on the list.
If the answer is ´Yes," be sure to repeat exactly what you are agreeing to do: "So I understand that I am to be a quality check on the XZY Committee, and this will require just 2-3 hours per week starting next Tuesday."
Saying ´No´ can help you stay on track, and create more time to be successful in any venture. When you do it well, you can actually build relationships. If nothing else, it is a chance to practice integrity – keeping your word completely.
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